Carol of the Bells
by Vicious Grin
Summary: Kind of a dark oneshot. Sesshoumaru reflects back on the holidays gone horribly wrong.


**This little thing popped in my head after five hours of studying for finals while listening to Christmas music. As soon as I started writing, the words just kept flooding in, so I figured I might as well post it. Kinda dark, so I apologize in advance if this makes you cry. (It already did to a couple others)  
If any inspirtation slaps me in the face, I'll update after I finish one of my other fics. FBL only has two chapters left, anyway.**

**For now, enjoy it as your oneshot Christmas present. :)**

* * *

I wonder if its possible to ever really move on from something. Its been about a year to the day and not a night goes by that I don't forget those frantic screams I heard over the phone. The moon shone an unnatural hue of red that night. Some regarded it as a bad omen. I suppose it was. I remember. Of course, I'm fairly certain all of Japan would remember that night of nights. If the daily news reports hadn't said enough, word of mouth certainly did. What little peace and tranquility my bigwig life was able to hide away was suddenly gone with one simple phone call. On the eve of Christmas Eve, no less!

I remember. It was another late night at the office and I was finishing up the last of the paperwork on some new product my company recently released out into the market. I think it was some kind of diet pill. It doesn't matter what it was. I just knew that it worked, total profit was at its highest point the company had seen in ages, and my family was happy.

My growing little family.

My wife and mate, Kagome, despite everything, has remained with me and continues to love me unconditionally as I do her. She may not voice it very often anymore, but I can see it in her eyes… her beautiful blue eyes. Sai had her eyes.

She was pregnant at the time. Kagome. I was settling in as CEO to my father's company. He died a few months prior and left it in my name. My idiot half-brother, Inuyasha, received his home and everything inside. I did not care. I had my wife, two young children, and another on the way. Unfortunately, said wife had been extremely stressed at the time and had a hard time relaxing. She begged me not to go into the office that day and even threatened to take the kids and leave. I knew she was bluffing, so after assuring her it was to be my last day for the next month or so, I gave her a kiss, told her I loved her and bade her goodbye.

Other than a few coworkers exchanging gifts and gossiping about that nights upcoming Christmas party, the day was like any other. Phones rang, meetings were held, orders were shipped, and my wife kept calling. If I weren't so concerned with finishing that diet pill's paperwork, I would have stayed home. If I had, I'm sure I could have prevented _it _from happening. I was concerned about Kagome and our unborn child. Her doctor had told her time and time again to start relaxing, and she really had tried. I even organized for both her and her friend Sango to spend a day at the spa, but that was cut short. She complained of a nagging feeling she just couldn't shake off. I suppose our baby had some kind of foresight.

It was a little after five o'clock when I called home that day. I let everyone off early to go prepare for their Christmas party. Anyone who stayed was paid for overtime. I remember exactly how our conversation went. It wasn't exactly one of our better ones.

"_Sesshoumaru, please come home. Something doesn't feel right."_

"I will soon. I'm almost done with this paperwork."

"_Can't you just bring it with you and finish here?" _She really was frightened. I should have listened to her.

"You know Yukio will get into it. Do not worry. I should be home before nine."

"_Nine?! That's too late! Please just come home right now. You can go back and finish it after the new year." _

Kagome was never one to beg. I should have put that into account that night. I should have done a lot of things.

"This needs to be done before then."

"_Fine!" _she huffed. _"Put your work before your family! You promised nothing would change!" _

"Kagome-"

"_No! Stay there and finish your damn work. Right now your 'precious' sons are having a fine time without you decorating the tree. Even Sai tried to wait for you."_

"Kagome, you will calm down. We will discuss this when I return home tonight."

"_Ass."_

And she hung up on me.

It only went downhill from there. Not even two minutes after I put the phone down, Miroku, my assistant, came running in. Apparently one of our other products gave people stomach ulcers and all other sorts of problems. So the several hundred claims said.

Half an hour into trying to sort everything out, the phone calls were nowhere near done. False advertising, wrong labeling, illegal ingredients - the complaints just kept piling in.

Another forty-five minutes into the problem, I decided to just put a stop to everything. One of my workers on the main floor called for the seventh time that hour saying they had a lead on one of our competing firms led by someone of the name Onigumo. I knew the man. His name was Naraku. Onigumo was his last name and the two of us had a mutual hatred for one another. He tried to buy my father's company the moment word got out that he died. He must have done something to botch our last couple hundred shipments.

As furious as I was, I didn't feel like dealing with the bastard at the moment. I needed to get home to my family. As an inu-youkai, I am already extremely possessive as it is. Anyone of us can tell you we cannot stand to be away from those we care about for more than a few hours. The stress and over 13 hours of being away from my family only made it worse.

"Just stop all production until the new year when I return." I growled at the blubbering idiot over the phone.

"_But sir!" _

"Until you know for sure that Naraku is responsible, stop everything."

"_What'll I do about all these claims?!"_

Humans never really did function properly under great amounts of stress.

"Call back the last one hundred shipments, send out a public warning, offer refunds, I don't care!"

This was way too much to be happening just days before the holidays. I slammed the phone down, turned off my computer and grabbed my briefcase before that damned phone of mine began ringing again. I didn't bother to notice it was my cell phone and not the office one. Only Kagome and the boys ever called this one.

"Taisho." I barked.

"_Sesshoumaru!!!"_

"Kagome??"

Something was wrong. There was a bunch of static, along with other loud noises in the background, the high pitched cries of my pups among them. If there ever was a moment where I actually felt fear, it was then. The company be damned, my family was in trouble.

I ran out of the office, ignoring Miroku calling out to me.

"Kagome, what's going on?"

"_The house! Lights… tree… oh g- oh god! Where's your brother?! SAI!!!"_

My blood ran cold. All I could hear then were the screams of Kagome and the pups. I was never really a religious man before, but I remember very distinctly praying to whatever god that was listening to please protect my family. Home was a thirty minute drive away. I was better off speeding on foot.

I remember passing the lights and sounds of sirens. I remember the smoke, and the eerie, bright orange, glow of the sky around my home. I remember Kagome curled up on the sidewalk outside of the house, holding her stomach in and crying out in pain while my two-year-old Yukio clung to her helplessly, crying out in inu-youkai for help. The stench of smoke, burning plastic, cloth, and metal overpowered my senses. I took the two over to a neighbor's house across the street, to get them away from the smoke. That was when I noticed my oldest, Sai, was missing.

I knelt in front of her, hoping she'd say he ran to a neighbor's house, or at least got scared and hid somewhere safe.

"Kagome, where is Sai?"

Upon hearing my voice, she shot her head up and looked around frantically. I've never seen her eyes look so horrified- ever.

"Kagome?" I couldn't pretend to be calm any longer.

"H-he fell a-asleep… under…" her voice faltered, "and we- we were running out… Sai… 'forgot daddy… daddy's laptop-'" It was then her face paled. She looked almost ready to vomit. Please, Kagome, no… "OH GOD! Sai!!!!"

It took all I could to keep her from running back into the house. Our son was somewhere in there, trying to save his father's computer. The fool… I probably would have done the same for my father.

I don't know how I got Kagome to stay behind with Yukio, but I remember leaving her and running into the burning house and up the stairs to the second floor where my office was. It was then I heard him. He was whimpering, trying to call out to his mother for help. One of the beams from the roof collapsed on his legs, pinning him to the floor. The laptop was flung somewhere across the room. By the time he saw me, his voice was long gone and could only whimper. I don't think I'll never forget his cries that night.

:Help! Pup scared!:

I tossed the beam off of his tiny body and lifted him up, nuzzling his forehead, letting him know I was there. :Pup safe.:

I only hoped he was. Blood seemed to be everywhere. His body was horribly burned; even his once long, silver, hair was almost all burnt off. What remained was just a few inches of a dirty brown color.

By the time I got him out of the house, he was barely breathing. Kagome was in an ambulance, Yukio sitting with the paramedic inside. I was put in another one with Sai still in my arms. I refused to let the boy out of my sight.

At the hospital, they rushed both Kagome and my son into surgery. Something was wrong with the child in her womb. Yukio and I remained in the waiting room for another two hours until one of the doctors finally came out to speak with me. He was young intern; eagle youkai, actually. I remember the tired look in his eyes. I probably had the same. I couldn't tell what he was going to say. It never occurred to me that I wasn't using most of my senses that night. I just hoped Kagome and my pups were going to be alright. Maybe a little banged up, but alive and kicking just the same.

The doctor seemed a bit surprised to see me at first. I suppose he was expecting a different facial expression. Like the cold-hearted business CEO everyone always saw in the newspaper. He was taking too long to answer me, probably because he was still in shock that it was actually my family he was caring for. It was then I realized something.

"If you do not have any good news for me, do not bother wasting my time."

His eyes suddenly went downcast. I felt the blood rush out of my face. "I'm sorry." he whispered.

Standing was suddenly the most challenging thing at the moment. I collapsed back onto the waiting room chair; Yukio, using my coat as a makeshift blanket, sleeping on the one next to me. The stoic demon lord that once stood proud only a few hours ago was quickly replaced with that of a grieving father in a manner of seconds. My face was buried in my palms. I could only assume the wet droplets falling to the floor were my own tears.

"Y-your wife is alive and a bit sedated at the moment… but… we-we couldn't save either child. It was too much for them. I'm so sorry."

My son. My young, first born, son was dead. And all over a stupid computer! "He was only seven." I whispered.

"I'm sorry?" That idiot doctor was still standing there. Of all the people that hospital could have sent out, they chose to have a new guy do their dirty work. Despicable.

I didn't answer him. I didn't need to. Perhaps this boy went to the wrong father? It could happen. Slowly I lifted my head up to stare down the intern in front of me and put on the coldest look I possibly could.

"Let me see his body."

He faltered for a second, as if it were the most unusual question he had heard, and looked around for any sign of someone nearby. "I-I… don't…"

"I wasn't asking a question." I growled.

"Uh-um… okay," he stuttered. "Right this way."

Normally, I'd enter a room as if I owned the place, because, well, I usually did- especially that hospital, since I provided them with all sorts of antibiotics -but for some reason, for the second time that night, I was downright scared. I figured if I stood outside the door for however long I could, Sai would still be laughing and playing around like always, and was just waiting for me to go inside and take him home; and maybe, just maybe, this whole thing was just some nightmare. Kagome was really still pregnant, Yukio and Sai were asleep in their beds upstairs, and I was waiting until midnight to grab their presents from inside the closet and place them all under the tree. The whole hospital and all its scents of death were just one big fucking nightmare.

The doctor moved to a sheet-covered table in the center of the room and folded back the white piece of cloth up, revealing the lump underneath. That lump was my pale, burnt, and scarred son. I nearly vomited at the sight alone. His lips were a dark shade of purple, almost black; his markings, signifying his youkai heritage, gone; his bright blue eyes closed. Never again would I be able to see his brilliant fanged smile, nor hear his soft little voice. It was over.

I crouched down and nuzzled my nose to his cheek, letting out inu-youkai whimpers of grief. For some reason, at that moment, I felt that if I talked to him in his native tongue, he would wake up and whimper back, though my attempts were painfully futile. I only succeeded in waking the sleeping Yukio cradled in my arms, who began whimpering back, telling me he was only asleep. The pup thought I assumed he was dead.

"-tou." he whimpered.

I nuzzled the top of his head, letting him know I was glad. He turned around and looked over to Sai, reaching out in an attempt to grab his arm.

"Aniki,"

I nodded and pulled his hand away.

"Mama?" he questioned, looking around the dark room.

"She's asleep." I hushed him.

"Mama!" he demanded rather loudly. He seemed to act more like me everyday.

I stood up and left the room, leaving what was left of my first born, and took Yukio to Kagome's room. We found her awake and silently crying over the lifeless body, of what would have been our third child, cradled in her arms. She looked up as soon as she heard my footsteps approaching; her eyes filled with tears.

I didn't say anything and Yukio remained oddly silent. Instead, I went over to her side and wiped the tears from her cheek. I could never stand seeing her tears.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I tried… I really tried…"

"There will be more." I soothed, nuzzling her cheek as I had done to Sai's.

Her body shaking with sobs only made Yukio fussy, which caused him to wiggle out of my grasp and onto her lap.

"Mama!"

She looked down at him and smiled softly, pushing a strand of his long grey hair behind a pointy ear. "Hi, baby."

I didn't want to tell her about Sai. Not yet. Instead, I sat next to her, watching as she bundled up the pale baby in her arms.

"She would have been perfect." she told me, never taking her eyes off the thing. "She had all your markings, except for the moon on your forehead. They only look like little scars now."

I looked down and noticed the child did indeed hold the marks of a youkai. You couldn't have noticed from far away. I traced a couple pale stripes along her cheek. She really would have been something to look at once she was older.

"I want to name her Rin." Kagome seemed to blurt out of nowhere.

"Rin?"

She nodded.

I looked back down. It seemed to be kind of pointless to name something that was never going to breathe in the first place. Almost like a waste. But if it made Kagome and her strange ningen ways happy, then so be it. "As you wish."

"Rin Hitomi Taisho," I heard her whisper before giving the child a soft kiss on it's forehead.

Now that the thing had a name, I couldn't look at it. That name automatically made us connected. Two children in one night was too much, even for me.

"Its okay to cry, Sesshou."

She obviously did not see me earlier. I would shed no more tears.

"How is Sai?" she asked.

I froze. She said it. The one thing I've been trying to foolishly avoid, and she said it. I had hoped for at least an hour before that topic came up.

"Sesshoumaru?" I still hadn't answered her. I didn't plan to. I failed her. I failed both Kagome, my son, and now my daughter who didn't even get her first breath of air.

"How is our son?" her voice quivered. She had to have known by now… "Sesshoumaru?" I felt her tiny hand grab hold of mine. I squeezed hers in return.

"There will be more."

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**Questions? Comments? Rotten tomatos? (you can talk to my secretary about that one)**

**Please don't kill me!!! **

**Merry Christmas! (or whatever holiday you celebrate!)**

**-VG-**


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